This summer, I officially maxed out on the schedule. Without really mentioning my situation or giving details, I asked for prayer on my social media page, and I'm grateful for the prayers. Since I didn't give details, I'm not sure what was assumed, but my situation was simple. I have been so busy, my time with Father was getting cramped or minimized and that simply will not work in my life! As I scrambled my schedule, and found myself regretful at the end of the day, I realized, anything that comes ahead of time with Father, can be and probably is, an idol. That can include my own order of priorities, even family and yes, even, ministry.
I'm not making an excuse to ignore our commitments, not at all, but I am here to tell you, we can get "over committed!" This project of building a small learning village was quite an undertaking, to say the least. Thinking, I would be all finished before canning season, was first and foremost, wrong . . . so I ended up dealing with contractors through canning season. To make matters more interesting, I also bought a cow the end of June. As blackberry season came in the midst of all the half finished projects, I developed a new product for the Land of Goshen . . . Just as I kicked into high gear on so much going on, my old method of handling stress kicked in.
It's not often that I think I have too much to do. Most of my life, my Daddy has commented that I have "too many irons in the fire," but I never felt that way. As a matter of fact, when I mentioned to my daughters, I just had too many things going on, they both said, they'd never heard me say that, before. At any rate, when my schedule gets cramped and I get spread too thin, my coping method is: to find another project! Add more to the schedule! That's correct. "Getting busier" is how I handle being overwhelmed. This summer that put the fear of G-d, in me, literally!
After having a rather rough winter with the herd, I got busy being busy with the new project, Bethesda. I knew what I was doing was led of YaH, but I was also filling some of my time with very unnecessary things. Then the evenings became entrenched in more busy-ness that really accomplished very little. The first thing I realized was, I had stopped making a daily "to do" list. I'm not sure why, but I had . . .
The next thing I realized was my evening devotions were being crowded out as the phone was getting busier. I realized it was all simply too much, when morning devotions began to feel like "going through the motions," to get on with the day. I was spiritually parched and a feeling of forlorn engulfed me. It scared me! I found myself waking up in the night and crying out to YaH to please hang on to me. I knew I had to complete something that had been relegated to a back burner, while I made myself busy being busy; and life was simply wrong.
I determined to get order back in my life and I knew my priorities needed to change before I asked YaH to order my steps. How many times had I heard Him call me away from my "busy-ness" but thought to myself . . . in a few minutes. Fear of YHWH began to set in. He has to be first in my life, and that means, first. Not after my latest idea, not after the next phone call, not after this homestead to which I've been blessed, and certainly not second to the ministry I have been called.
Busy being busy might be the most subtle way to fall away . . . So thankful for His mercy.